For Tucker Carlson:What Happens When You Don’t Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

So I suppose the indignant spirit of Sean Hannity lived on as Tucker Carlson filled in for his absence on Fox News. Either that, or that bowtie has finally cut off too much oxygen circulating in his head. 

In what could be interpreted as an attempt to aim a thinly veiled insult at President Obama and turn dog- loving constituents against him, Tucker provided his own theory regarding Michael Vick’s redemptive season as the quarterback of the Philadelphia Eagles.  After President Obama called the Philly organization to applaud them for giving Vick a second chance, Tucker lambasted the president’s move and coolly stated that Vick should have been executed for fighting dogs… that said right after mentioning he was a Christian.  Once again I say “thank you” to conservatives for giving Christians such as myself a bad name.  Their intolerance is matched only by their arrogance.

Does anyone have a tranquil dart? – ‘cause this guy obviously needs to be sedated.  This felt like a desperation shot, a Hail Mary if you will, of Tucker’s to stay on our collective minds.  And while I realize I ‘m helping keep this man’s relevance alive by perpetuating this story – I feel obliged to respond as well.

While I’ve already addressed the double standard issue of Vick’s sentencing in comparison to how Ben Roethlisberger and Brett Favre’s cases have played out in the retooling and reposting of Double Standard Procedures, Mr. Carlson has reawakened the sleeping giant within me.  Sometimes it truly is better to just let sleeping dogs lie. 

So the question to pose to Mr. Carlson is this:  if we adopt the same rationale as you and apply it to the same men who treated slaves lower than dogs then freed them to fight and die for the Union, what judgment should be passed for them?  Riddle me that, hypocrite.

American Dogfighting

Flushed out of Fox’s corner pocket like Russ Parr
And rushing like Limbaugh
to expose how he’s a despicable dunderhead,
Who heard what subpar Tucker Carlson
posing as a political pundit said
When he publicly declared that the Eagles’ pick 7 should be executed?
Who is he to turn kid Vick’s comeback
into a low quality promo
Like some humpback quasi homo
Have you ever seen this anomaly’s photo?!! –
not even Bo knows why he ties bows below that head of nuisance.

Besides, doesn’t Tucker seem like the type
Who rubs peanut butter and Smucker’s between his thighs
Just to let some beagles provide him his own bestial fantasy league?!!
For the way he’s made a life with his ducktail as Fox’s head,
Someone should make this guy tuck his tail between his postured legs…
This dude’s a lamer duck than Donald pegged
for a Congress-led sequel to Fantasia’s re-release.

I mean, who is he to besmirch Vick’s remarkable offense
With such an unpardonable offence?
Such harsh comments for a man who paid his debt to society?
With such harsh words for pitting men’s best friends,
What’s his parsed blurb for Ben and Brett’s sex offence?…
How is it less offensive when men’s sex friends get vetted impolitely?

Better yet, let’s go one level deeper into the pool.
What’s his take on Confederate fetters leveled at a people’s roots?
I’ve heard his take on an Eagle’s dues but what
about when slaves were treated unrulier than dogs?
I know slavery’s in the American Eagle’s past,
But since he wants to embarrass an Eagle’s pass…
I’m runnin’ interference by comparin’ an evil passed with incongruent laws.

Forget a scathing blog!
Let’s get some backbreaking flogs!
Since he wants to wake the dogs, let’s sic ‘em – get ‘em boys, bark with viciousness!
You should’ve left sleeping dogs a lyin’ –
Instead, you’ve gone and woke up a sleeping, groggy giant…
It’s too late to put it to sleep and euthanize it – the venom in this pen’s a poised barbiturate.

You and your conservative friends
aren’t elegant – you’re buffoons!
It’s time we addressed the elephant in the room.
I know you think President Lincoln’s precedent looms with great stature.
But what he stood for had Republican ulterior motives.
Slaves’ emancipation sanctioned
a repugnant pull for clearin’ quotas…
As mortgaged freedmen fought for Glory as fully adherent soldiers –
free to fight and die for the great hereafter.

But what happened to those that survived?
What rations were given to the ghosts that returned alive?
What were these shells on earth to surmise from
the same home where the Braves were razed?
What trials for the trails of blood, sweat and tears
Could they expect from entrails and guts that were treaded and smeared?…
Is this what they were vetted for and cleared –
purely bled as purebreds when the stakes were raised?

So don’t speak to me about execution, Tucker Carlson.
Take a seat – your elocution is tuckered, you charlatan.
I’m bringin’ the ruckus like Rucker Park – you’re cousin Carlton
on the wall, it’s lights out for you.
Rather, I’m puttin’ fresh prints above the rim on a square
Who dared to lay up a such a vexing brick on the air…
It’s not about disrespecting Vick, it’s your air –
which I’m prepared to fix as I knock the gall of your balls right out of you.


Reggie Legend is AllHipHop’s resident poet and cultural critic. More of his work can be found at


Leave a comment

No comments yet.

Comments RSS TrackBack Identifier URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

  • behind da barz

    --------the chemicals R identical, we're one & the same / with 7 letters in all 3 of my government names / walked on water, nah, neither did jesus / its a parable to make followers & readers believers--------i gave her my honorable discharge & she took it like a soldier--------what's a black beetle anyway, a fuckin roach-------she told the director she tryna get in a school-he said "take them glasses off and get in the pool"---------what ya'll call swag to me is faggotry-------my outfit so disrespectful / u go 'head n sneeze let my presence bless u--------its quite amazing that u rhyme like u do / & how u shine like u grew up in a shrine in peru-------its hard fuckin with niggaz u hope u can trust / ure a fool if ure main bitch is easy to fuck--------beyond the walls of intelligence life is divine / i think of crime when im in a new york state of mind - ------THE WAY SOME ACT IN RAP IS KINDA WACK / IT LACKS CREATIVITY & INTELLIGENCE / BUT THEY DON'T CARE BECAUSE THEIR COMPANY IS SELLING IT / ITS MY PHILOSOPHY ON THE INDUSTRY--------From days I wasn't "Abel/able", there was always "Cain/caine-------know how to leave anything in 30 seconds / when you feel the heat coming & flee with the murder weapon--------ayo my silent moments' loud as the crack of thunder / my hunger like the crocodile that attacked the hunter-------i'm something between platinum & flop, underground & mainstream / conscious, backpack, scratch dat; same thing---------this phiscal year im'a stay hot, buzzin / wit dudes that help me shoot like a-rod's cousin-------i fight chicks who bite dicks / give 'em lock-jaw then make 'em fight pits ------all we see is terrorism on telievision ------i'm da illest nigga alive watch me prove it / i'll snatch your crown with your head still attatched to it ------slap your face till your head ache your neck break / the next day slash your throat thru the neckbrace ------ I'm ahead of the game, ahead of these lames / I'm a head case, the head nurse gets me better with brain ------ure now dealin with da kid who heat-holds & reloads / like god gave him a gta ammunition cheat-code ------once upon a time i used to grind all night / with dat coke residue that was ipod white ------ --i took trips with so much shit in the whip / that if the cops pulled us over the dogs would get sick (sniff) ------ i put my lifetime in between the paper's lines / i'm da quiet storm nigga who fight rhyme ------brain cells are lit ideas start to hit / next the formation of words dat fit / at da table i sit making it legit / when my pen hits da paper...aah shit -------i save money while u spendin ure doe / i must stash like da hair between your lip & your nose ------age don't count in the booth / when your flow stayed submerged in the fountain of youth -------when i'm writing i'm trapped in between the lines / i escape when i finish da rhyme - ------if we can't eat together then u aint my mans / so when u see me in da streets dont shake my hand- -----money is da root of all evil / dats why u always gotta now where u stand with your people--------i can show u how to gamble your money, handle a gun / & be a family man & go home to your sun- -------black diamonds in my jesus-piece / MY GOD-------its like da ball be over the plate & they dont call it a strike- ------i'm a gangsta & a gentleman, show you both sides of the coin / knife at your throat-gun at your groin- --------my testimonial be "death to a phony mc / you wanna impress me, show me a ki--------lord knows what homey would do if i showed him da 9 / a one-eyed man is king in the land of the blind--------on da road to riches & diamond rings / in the land of the blind a man with one eye is the king--------you lack the minerals & vitamins, iron & the niacin--------stares get exchanged then the 5th come out / the tough guy disappears then the bitch come out--------if you got a bith you dont argue with dat bitch / you dont listen to dat bitch all you do is fuck dat bitch-------know da bitch b4 you call yourself lovin it / nogga wit a benz fuckin it------went from $20Gs for blow to $30gs a show / to orgies wit hoes i never seen befo'-------i'm intelectual; passed more essays / than police motorcade parades thru east l.a.-------DEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF LITTLE ITALY LITTLE DID WE KNOW / WE RIDDLED SOME MIDDLE-MAN WHO DIDN'T DO DIDDLY-------visualizing the realism of life in actuality / fuck who's da baddest; a person's status depends on salary-------mechanical movement, understandable smooth shit / that murderers move with-the thief's theme--------DEEP LIKE "THE SHINING" SPARKLE LIKE A DIAMOND / SNEAK AN UZI ON DA ISLAND IN MY ARMY JACKET LINING / HIT THE EARTH LIKE A COMET - INVASION / NAS IS LIKE THE AFRO-CENTRIC ASIAN; ½ MAN, ½ AMAZING-------& why certainly i'm squirtin / bust a nut then get up & wipe my dick on your curtain-------walk by your casket & spit in your face--------i know how to get my peers off me / make 'em cry & die from high blood-pressure cuz tears are salty-------i'm not trying to give you love & affection / i'm tryna give you 60 seconds of erection / then im'a give you cab fare & directions / get your independent ass outta here - question?---------black cat is bad luck; bad guys wear black / must've been a white guy who started all that--------either you're slinging crack-rocks or you got a wicked jumpshot--------all us blacks got is sports & entertainment--------2 many athletes, actors & rappers / but not enough niggaz at nasa - ------why did bush knock down the towers?--------I REACT LIKE MIKE / ANY ONE TY-SON, JOR-DAN, JACK-SON / action, pack gunz, ridiculous--------all the teachers couldn't reach me & my mom couldn't beat me / hard enough to make up for my pop not seeing me---------kings from queens, from queens comes kings / we're raising hell like a class when the lunch bell rings---------excuse me miss, can i give you a minute? / may i buy you a glass of ice with liquor in it?--------what goes around comes around i figure / now we got white kids calling themselves nigga / the tables turn as the crosses burn...---------YOU LOVE TO HEAR THE STORY AGAIN & AGAIN / OF HOW IT ALL GOT STARTED WAY BACK WHEN--------i guess they got a grudge cause i won't budge / playin tough, staring down the judge with my hands cuffed---------A CHILD IS BORN WITH NO STATE OF MIND / BLIND TO THE WAYS OF MANKIND--------who shot biggie smalls? if we don't get them they gon' get us all / i'm down to run up pn them crackers in their city hall----------its kinda hard to be optimistic / when your homey is laying dead in a casket----------they say the blacker the berry; the sweeter the juice / i say the darker the flesh; then the deeper the roots---------i took your breath away then we'd perform cpr---------there's no real way it can be explained / i guess its just the way i smile when i hear your name--------CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME / C.R.E.A.M. GET THE MONEY, DOLLAR DOLLAR BILL Y'AAAAALL------------see I’m a poet to some, a regular modern day shakespeare / jesus christ the king of these latter day saints here / To shatter the picture in which of that as they paint me as / a monger of hate and satan a scatter-brained atheist--------i remember marvin gaye used to sing to me / he had me feeling like black was the thing to be------------this be that put-you-out-your-misery song / that makes you ask your man 'is this the joint he's dissin me on?'---------foul all your life now ure 90 / on ure death bed u regret being grimey---------INDUSTRY RULE #4080, RECORD COMPANY PEOPLE ARE SHAAADYYYY / so kids watch your back cause i think they smoke crack---------society's a weak excuse for a man-----------planet earth my place of birth / born to be the sole controller of the universe---------the mic had my prints, on on it was a body---------a squealer tells, but the dealer still sells---------some young male put in jail / lawyer so good his bail was on sale----------i'm just takin a piss......unless you're gonna do it----------fuck street clothes, we thug it out in tuxedos / stomp niggaz with hard bottoms in casinos--------people higher up have the lowest self-esteem / & the prettiest people do the ugliest things-----------IF YOU ADMIRE SOMEONE YOU SHOULD GO 'HEAD & TELL 'EM / PEOPLE NEVER GET THE ROSES WHILE THEY CAN STILL SMELL 'EM-----------goddamn, what a nigga gotta do to make a million / without the fbi catching feelings--------i got a story to tell / in these streets we got drugs & guns for sale---------we keep the nine tucked chop dimes up rap about it / wild out fuck niggaz up laugh about it---------- read between tha lines of ya eyes and ya brows / ya handshake aint matchin ya smile---------what the fuck i rap for? to push a fuckin rav-4?-------fuck all the glamour & glitz, i plan to get rich / i'm from new york & never was a fan of the knicks----------the white boy blossomed after dre endorsed him / his flow on renegade-fuckin awesome...applaud him-------before i start you know i gotta / pay homage & respects to afrika bambaata---------DRUGS IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS / MONEY IS THE KEY TO SEX------i pimped my crib so i must exhibit------- I - WILL - NOT - LOSE !
  • Blog Stats

    • 798,520 hits